Day Fourteen: Shayna Date

Today was just the worst, all day long I've just wanted to get wasted. I just wanted to get wasted and pass out. Maybe it has something to do with my taxes being due and having to drop a couple of g's to the IRS. I really just want to say fuck that shit and keep it pushing. But since I'm an adult there is no way to do that without consequences. I hate meeting up with my friends when I'm in a bad mood. I feel like such a burden and a total Debbie Downer. The good thing was that spending a little time with Shayna made me forget about my problems for awhile and it was nice to catch up. She's trying to convince me to come back to acting class and I don't know if I can do it. I haven't really felt like acting lately. I'm kinda over it at this point. Regardless Shayna was a breath of fresh air as always. Its nice to feel supported sometimes. She sat with me and we talked and she told me I was looking like my old self again. Granted I was a hot mess when I was self medicating. Either way I'm happy that I got to see her today and eat some good food in the process. Her optimism about my recovery is helpful to see. I learned that I need to do better when it comes to reaching out to my friends, because I am my own worst enemy. I get lost in Lela land for awhile and totally start isolating. I will do a better job at being connected, because its the little moments of joy that I can experience with my friends that help me get through the rough patches. Thanks Shayna for being a beam that I can lean on

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                                                                        me and shayna