Day Ninety Seven: Dancing on the Boardwalk

This week has been all about dancing for me. I am truly happy when I'm on the dance floor getting my groove on. I went to a dance party at Coney Island and it was really cool and fun. There were so many different types of people and everyone was having fun under the sun. The best part is that it was free and it occurs all summer long on the weekends. I will definitely hit that up again. I also hadn't been to Coney Island in many years and it was cool to just do something different with my day. I learned that I won't wear heels next time because my feet were killing me by the end. I also learned that I can feel sexy in my body, since so many guys came up to me and wanted to know who I was with and also told me how sexy I was. Maybe I don't look as bad as I think I do.

Day Ninety Six: Another Party

I went to another party tonight. It was okay. I'm getting sick of these sober dances. I want to go out to a real club. I tried once and I was able to be okay without the lure of alcohol beating down my throat. I danced the night away as usual. There is just something about dancing that can put me in a good mood. I hope that soon I'll be able to party more often with other people my age. I learned that miss going out like normal people. I also learned that I can be strong when it comes to making lemonade out of lemons. I will continue to try to work things out when it comes to my cravings.

Day Ninety Five: Qualification

Today I shared my experience, strength, and hope at a meeting. I was extremely nervous because I wondered what I was going to say. I hoped that I did a good job. I guess other people related to my story, but it was a big crowd and I was feeling insecure while they were listening since it felt like they were just staring at me. I hope I touched someone. I will have to do more of these qualifications in the future. I 'm happy that its over with though. I learned that I do have valuable information to share and that I need to help inspire others, because we can all touch at least one person.

Day Ninety Four: BBQ

Today is the 4th of July and this is my first one clean and sober. The fourth is a big trigger for me because it reminds me of being married and having a BBQ. My life is changing, I stopped by a friend's BBQ for a few and then attended a meeting. I realized I don't really like going to BBQ's that much, but it was great to see my friends and the kids. I really have a great relationship with those kids. No fireworks for me tonight, I'm not really a holiday celebration person. I learned that I can do things differently and I have to start new patterns for myself, because more holidays will be coming. I learned that I am learning self control and that the bitterness that I feel when I see other people enjoying life while drinking has started to lessen.

Day Ninety Three: Dance Party

I love to move my body. There is just something about letting loose on the dance floor that makes me feel happy inside. My friend Mackenzie and I went out to a lounge and danced it up. I was truly in heaven. The music was great and the crowd was cool and above all it was totally free. This was my first time since I've entered the program that I've been to a regular party. I did good. I didn't drink and it was okay. I just hope that I burned off some calories. I learned that I can start edging myself back into regular society when it comes to partying. I also learned that music is such a release for me. I'm just going to keep on rockin'.

Day Ninety Two: Writing TIme

I went to the library today to work on my memoir. I've decided to give myself at least 20 minutes a day to work on my memoir. I want to take the memoir class in the fall and I've got to get at least a couple of chapters under my belt. I was able to make some changes to the chapter and figure out what I want to focus on. I really do love writing and I have to push myself to continue on my own since I no longer have class. I need to get involved with a writers group so that I can continue to have my work looked at, so that I can work on my chapters. I learned that if I just make myself do some writing I can get a lot accomplished. I've also learned how to get past my writer's block by just trying to write on a consistent basis.

Day Ninety One: Nap Time

Today was a rough day for me, I was once again questioning the purpose of my life. I feel so numb sometimes and I don't know what the universe has in store for me. I miss my old life at times and wonder what this new one will bring me. I woke up extremely tired and my whole body was aching and I felt those pings of depression coming back at me. I realized I really needed a nap so I took one. I am remembering what a little bit of sleep can do for me. I still was depressed probably from the uncertainty of life. I really needed some time to myself so I blew off yoga and took a kindergarten nap. I learned that I have to listen to my body and not push myself so hard. I have also learned that there are going to be ups and downs in my mood, but I can survive them. I just need to take more naps since my sleep is inconsistent.