Day 2:Endless Possibilities

I've been obsessed with pole dancing for the past 10 years and I really want to become an instructor, working for someone else that is. As I've gotten older I realized that I would much rather be an independent contractor than have my own business with employees. I like to work alone, but I don't want to have to be in control of everything. Today my pole dancing studio had an assessment for their teacher training program and I went. I was extremely nervous, especially after not getting adequate rest I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do any of the exercising. I was surprised that I was able to do a lot of the tricks and it was fun and it really is making me reconsider my thoughts about if the opportunity presents itself finding a way to make it happen. I felt guilty about going because its a lot of money, that I don't even have, to attend the program but when I found out that they only do it on an need basis I thought why not give it a go. I've been so worried about saving money that I forgot to look at this as a possible opportunity to do something that I love to do as a possible career. Today I learned how to let go, just a little bit, to see something from a different perspective. That's crazy since it's only day 2.

False Start: Day One For Real- Childhood Playdate

So today I went to Bryant Park to compete in a friendly game of musical chairs. The grand prize was two plane tickets,unfortunately I didn't win but I did walk away with a free t-shirt. I thought I would be ultra competitive but in reality I ended up just playing the game and when I got out I didn't fight it. I lasted pretty long though up until round six. I guess I wasn't really too hard up for those plane tickets to fight to the death, but it was really interesting to see everyone's strategy how they would hover over the chairs or walk really slowly. By the end of the day I was just a little too tired to keep competing. It was nice to get my favorite season, free summer events, kicked off in this manner. I now know that I want to have a good time really getting to know myself and giving myself the childhood that I wanted in my adulthood. This day has taught me how to take care of myself. I now give myself permission to enjoy the day like I was a kid again.

Day One: And So I Begin

So last year I tried to do this task and got pretty far into dating myself and then I kind of just fell off the bandwagon, but now I'm back and I am more determined than ever to start the journey of self discovery again. This week leading up to the dating process was filled with all kinds of ideas that focused on promoting my creativity and the first lesson that I learned was to not be so hard on myself. I have this tendency to never think I'm doing enough, even when I've got ten things going on at once. This time around I'm going to be a little gentler with myself. Last year was a whirlwind. My divorce was finalized, I was living alone after 7 years of being in a partnership, I took a break from acting, and I started dating a man before I was ready (hence falling off the wagon), but the great thing about of all this is that it has really motivated me to get to know myself. So here I am, open and vulnerable, ready to share my experiences with the world in hopes that it can help someone else or at least let you laugh at my retardation. Regardless, its time to reflect on day one.

Holidays can be hard, at least for me, I'm still at that place where when holidays roll around I'm reminded of my past life and what I used to do. At this moment I'm participating in an 8 Week Bikini Series Challenge and I am 5 weeks in. This has been the most tiring 5 weeks of my life, get up at 5:30 to workout for a little more than an hour, go to work, look for a job (if you hear of anything let me know), go to rehearsal (I'm doing a play, say what?), and then come home to unwind (eat and get ready for bed hopefully by midnight). For the first 4 weeks I was doing this while doing a 30 day vegan cleanse, not a pretty sight (angry and hungry most of the time). I don't know how I was vegan for 3 years, I totally can't live without a fried fish and hot sauce binge every once in awhile. All that can be said is that my body is mad at me. Somehow I thought, seeing that it was a holiday, I would give myself a break, but for some reason an extra day turned into an opportunity for me to treat myself to a workout class that I don't usually get a chance to take.

The weather was awesome (a lovely 80 something degrees). I hoped on my hello kitty sticker adorned cruiser and biked into the city to my yoga studio where I took a Danceworks class, where we learned the Britney Spears I'm A Slave For You Routine, complete with body rolling (probably my all time favorite dance move after hip circles). I was channeling Ms. Lopez, keeping my eye contact direct and sexy, even if I messed up a step. After sweating it out on the dance floor I chilled out with a Vinyasa Yoga class, hopped on my bike and headed back to Brooklyn where I ended up cleaning my apartment. There is nothing that I hate more than doing dishes and I did them and cooked some meals for the week. When I woke up this morning to my clean house it was nice to know that I got that off my list. And so I begin this process with a little booty shaking, some meditation, a clean slate, and some optimism that things can only get better. 364 days to go ...

COMING SOON!!!!

So I've been M.I.A. for a minute, life can do that to you sometimes, but I'm back and this time more determined than ever to get in my year of me-ness. So stay tuned because my week starts this Sunday May 25th.

Missing in Action

Its been a long time since I've written on my blog. I've been dating myself and learning a great deal about myself in the process. For one I continue to pick men that are just like my father, a habit that I definitely intend to work on breaking. I also learned that when I get in relationships that I succumb to silence, I become a Stepford Wife to an extent, I am so focused on becoming the woman that they want me to be, that I lose myself in the process. Well no more of that. My birthday passed a couple weeks ago and for my new year I have vowed to find my voice and to use it. No more being put down, no more negative self talk, no more. New year, new beginnings. I hope my journey proves to be productive

Day One Hundred and Eight Seven: Rehearsal

I return to acting class tomorrow night and I had my first rehearsal with my scene partner, which I think went pretty well. I didn't feel to out of it and I also was able to listen and answer and really be in the scene. I don't feel like I've lost any of my skills, but this will be a lot of work to add to my schedule, but I guess I'm ready for the challenge, only time can tell on that. I'm working with a young boy, surprise surprise, but I have a feeling that we will progress in our scene that usually is the way things work out when I'm working with boys. I tend to notice that boys have great progression when they are working with me, but I'm not trying to big up myself or anything its just something that I tend to notice. I am learning that I am ready to have fun in class, but definitely not interested in auditioning at this time. If I can just have a little fun I think class will be a good addition to my busy schedule.

Day One Hundred and Eighty Six: Brunch with the Crew

This has definitely been a going out weekend for me. After having a lovely evening with Kisha I got to meet up with my old crew from acting class for brunch, which was really nice. I had french toast which I've been dreaming of for about 3 weeks now. French toast and a mimosa would have been ideal, but I stuck to orange juice, boo on that, but it was so great to see everybody and let them know what has been going on in my life and catch up with them. I let them know that I am returning to class just for fun,and I have gone back to my old life of living one day at a time. One day at a time is so hard sometimes. It was good to talk and see everybody, I hope we can do it again real soon. I learned that I need to have more fun and I definitely have more fun when I'm seeing the people that I really enjoy being around.